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Sunday, March 13, 2011

When it rains, it pours cold water!

No no, I am not talking about actual rain.  Apparently I have to wait until next January to see any significant wet stuff, I do live in the desert remember.  No, I am talking about our little house.  Apparently, Jon and I decided to move into this home when everything was deciding to break.  We have had 3 of our 4 AC units completely stop working.  2 of the 3 are now working but the hole they cut in the ceiling to fix them still needs to be taped, textured and painted after 19+ complete hours of work.  Our gas  was out for a while, our pool was not filtering itself, our water went out and then we couldn’t figure out how to use the motor to turn it back on, and now all the upstairs plugs are currently not working to name a few things.  I have learned through past experience to never ask “what can happen next?”  Let me explain.

 One summer, when I was in middle school, one of my brothers had just had jaw reconstruction surgery and my other brother had just had emergency surgery from being hit by a car on the beach.  Needless to say, our house was sort of a medical ward.  My grandparents were in town to help with the chaos.  Soon after their arrival our electricity went out in the house and so did the AC, which did not work with two boys a few days post op.  My mom and I went around the house looking for candles to light as my Nana fanned one of my brothers to keep him cool.  The phone rings and it was our church’s youth minister checking in on all of us… as my mom tries to explain to him that we were fine, just a little out of sorts, my Nana turns to my mom and says jokingly, “what else can happen to you kids.” And no joke a few seconds later lightening literally hits right behind our house and starts a fire in the woods…. Hoses are pulled out and 911 is called but a short time later, minutes before the fire would have reached our backyard it began to rain!  I think the powers that be felt sorry for our family… so needless to say, that phrase is no longer said in Mueller households! 
Well, I almost hit my limit over the last few days and the phrase almost slipped out of my lips.   Our water heaters… all three of them in the house, are no longer working.  This means no hot water to wash dishes as I have been heating water on the stove and hand washing everything.  That also means no hot water when taking showers.  I was okay with this for the first few days… I have mastered the art of a three minute shower.  However, I had to finally cave and wash my hair last night.  Just thinking about having to do it in the shower made me want to cry or draw up divorce papers to give Jon for making me move into this house.   To be a little less dramatic I started to think of alternatives.  Our sink is really low in our bathroom and I didn’t want to bend over for 5 -10 minutes as I wash out all the soap and conditioner… so on to option 2. 
Hygiene is very important in the Muslim world.  You must wash before all five prayers during the day.  Also, every public restroom has what I used to call a ”kitchen sprayer” next to the toilet but now refer to as a “hiney hose” in lieu of a bidet.  All houses come equipped with both a bidet and a hiney hose in all full baths.  Needless to say this was my next plan of action.  I am telling this story to you all as my friends… so no judging here people!  Jon and I first cleaned the bidet and hiney hose then I assumed the position of sitting my 33 week pregnant self on the toilet with my head bent down into the bidet to wet my head with the hiney hose… no I am not kidding… this really happened last night!  I proceeded to wash my hair while Jon made jokes about me wanting a spa day and all he could give me was a bidet… we did a lot of laughing!  He also wanted to take a picture of my situation to share with y’all but I reminded him of the divorce papers.  A little bit later, hair was clean, crisis was averted and few calories were burnt from laughing.  The workers should be here to fix the problem today… everyone please cross your fingers that they can complete this project in less than 24 hours! 
Salon de Cumberworth

I will leave yall today with this little tidbit from jon last night… while we were brushing our teeth he walked up behind me and smelled my hair and said “wow, your hair smells really nice… I thought it was going to smell like $hit.”  I need to get those divorce papers in hand so I can waive them in his face next time ;0)
Until later…


  1. We have 4 showers and all of them have hot water...feel free to come over if you need a real shower...the hiney hose is unacceptable! Funny though...oh and Courtney is a great divorce lawyer in case you need her to draw up those :)

  2. too funny! you should have taken a picture for memories' sake. you can shower at my house, too. you'd just have to fight your way in with all of our company.

  3. OMG, you just made my day!! I love your inventive ways, too funny. I am horrible at FB so Bear sent me this link and told me I had to read this. I love to blog surf:) Take care of yourself, you look great BTW!! Hugs, Shelby