Just Breathe

The night before I turned 34 I went for a run. Now if you know me, you know I hate running. Yes, I ran a marathon, but just to prove to myself that I could do it... And because I was a bored Dubai housewife. Since we moved back I haven't found a group workout place/gym that I like and also has child care options available, so I run at night when Jon gets home 3-4 times a week.  It's my time to clear my head and escape from my kids. Yes, I hate running but I get "free time, me time" if I run.... So run I do! This transition home has been so easy on me....

 

 

 

 

When I run, I sing out loud.... When I was training for the marathon I was told it was good practice to hold a conversation to make sure you were at the right pace for your body. Now that I don't have a running partner (miss you Stacey), I sing to myself... Or to my neighborhood.  Bless my neighbors’ hearts, I am sure they think something is wrong or I am being chased down the street by a murderer. The other thing I do, is listen to Ted talks and get super deep into my own head. 

 
So I set out the night before my birthday on an 8 miler with a Ted talk podcast about “Happiness” ready to go. The first segment was on the correlation of happiness and a wandering mind/daydreaming.... Naturally my mind started wandering... This is pretty much how my inner-dialogue went...

 

 

Happiness, hmmm.... 

Am I happy? Yes and No....

What will make me happy? 

Making art makes me happy, hearing how much people like my blog makes me happy, seeing my friends makes me happy....

God my knees hurt, I hate running. 

I should be happier... 

I am lucky and have a privileged life....

#whitepeopleproblems 

Lord my kids drive me bonkers...

But oh that picture of them today was so freaking cute.... I should put it on Instagram when I get home.

Ouch, is possible to bruise your rib cage from your bingo wing hitting it?  

I was almost at a sub 2 hours for a half marathon pace two years ago.... How am I sucking this much wind?! 

Augh, 3 kids! Jesus my body has been through a lot...

Will I ever not feel like a giant pink marshmallow? 

I just want to feel strong...

Dude, I can feel my butt jiggle as I run! 

Stop it, three kids in four years, cut yourself some slack you cray cray! 

Crap, did I just pee myself... 

God, how far have I gone? Must be 2 miles by now....

.67 miles?!!!!! 

Are you fucking kidding me?!!!! 

Augh!!!! I hate running! 

Shut up Hillary! One foot in front of the other... 

You are lucky you can run... That you have a husband that lets you jump ship to run without complaining about bathing three kids solo..... 

Jon turned out to be pretty good! 

Way to pick a winner... Whoop whoop! 

We made some pretty good kids too.... Well, once Corby stops being a twat.... She is almost there though. 

Oh the toddler stage....

Life is full of stages.... 

God I am ready for this stage to be over...

Don't wish your life away, Hillary!

Jesus, it MUST be 2 miles by now....

.89 miles, for the love of fucking Christ.... I hate running!!! 

34, 34, 34...... Have I lived a third of my life or is it just beginning? 

One foot in front of the other.... One foot in front of the other, Hil....

Wait, 34..... I think the life expectancy of a kid with CF is mid-thirties..... 

(Stop running to google)

 

Sidebar…. my sister-in-law, Cara, and brother, Derrick had a perfectly normal second pregnancy in 2014... They were very excited to welcome son #2, Beckett, to the Mueller family.  Everything was normal and the delivery was picture perfect, but shortly after Beckett's birth a few red flags went up for one of his nurses and within 18 hours Becks was in surgery.  He came through like a champ, but it was pretty clear that Beckett most likely had Cystic Fibrosis when it was all over. Wait, what.... Isn't that a genetic disease? But we have no family history?! How can this be?! I think the initial diagnosis kind of bitch slapped us all across the face. However, once you meet Beckett you totally forget he even has it... What CF? This kid?!  I just see a ridiculously fat and happy little boy!!!!  Beckett is pretty awesome and his health is a testament not only to his sweet demeanor, but to his amazing parents! It's not often that two "type A's" work.... But they do and thank God because they are literally the perfect duo for Beckett's care.  If it was Jon and I we would not be on top of it like Derrick and Cara are.... You can count the number of times this kid has missed a treatment in his lifetime on one hand!  Sometimes Beckett's treatments can take up more than two hours in a day.... And Derrick and Cara do it without a complaint. They both work full time and have full schedules, but they make Beckett's health the priority and I applaud them for that!  Beckett is one lucky dude..... But really, we are all lucky to have little Becks in our life! With everything he has been through, he still smiles and blows raspberries through it all! 
 

 

Back to inside my head;

Holy Shit... The current life expectancy is 37..... Will Beckett blow that number out of the water or will he be in the thick of it by then? Augh, my feet hurt....

Seriously Hillary?! Shut your face! You CAN run.... You have the CHOICE to run... You GET to run so just shut up and do it....

 

 

So I did.... I shut up, zoned out an ran 10 miles that night because I can.  Others aren't so fortunate.... Some don't get the choice... Some don't get the chance. 

 

After I finished running that night I decided I would run the Austin 1/2 marathon in honor of Beckett! If I can run 10 miles, I can run 13.1 (Actually the race map says 13.29 which is bullshit, but I can do it for Becks!!!). The race is on Valentine's Day and I would love any support you can give! Below is the link to the donation site... It's for Beckett's Buds Great Strides race this May but I'm just getting a little head start on the fundraising 😉

 

http://fightcf.cff.org/site/TR/GreatStrides/20_Central_Texas_Austin?team_id=49858&pg=team&fr_id=4880

 

 

I am excited for February 14th! I will not be winning any races with my 10ish minute per mile pace, but I will finish and I will do it for Beckett, his family and all those CF kids out there who are going to show CF who's boss! But most importantly let's end on what is really important and who will be the real winners in this whole thing... my neighbors.  I am pretty sure my neighbors will appreciate the fact I wont be running past their homes so often sounding like a dying donkey while I belt out Sia's, “Chandelier!” 

 

Until later...