Saturday, August 15, 2015
My Million Dollar Idea
I figured out how I am going to make it big... I have an idea for one of those books they sell at Urban Outfitters.... The kind you put in your bathroom to humor your guests. Well, maybe I won't make it big, but it might give me some extra pocket change. So here is the title, 101 uses for......
First let me tell you the story of how I got this idea in my head. At the end of my sophomore year of university I had the opportunity to interview to become a Student Ambassador. The job mainly consisted of giving campus tours to future students and their parents, visiting professors and benefactors to the school. Now this was the highest paying job on campus at $25 per hour, while most students were making minimum wage... So needless to say it was a good gig! The people who were going to interview me were the Head of Admissions, an Admissions Counselor and three current student ambassadors. One of these students was Jon’s fraternity brother and another was my older sorority sister. I do fine talking to people I don't know in an interview/professional setting, but talking to my peers.... that makes me nervous. So the day of the interview comes and I put on my most professional Ann Taylor red button down with white pinstripes and black slacks. As I was drying my hair I noticed sweat stains starting to appear in the armpits of my shirt. (Personal background…. I sweat from my armpits when I am extremely cold or nervous). I thought to myself, this is my only ironed shirt so let's make this work. I took it off, dried the armpits with my hairdryer and put on a white undershirt hoping that would divert the sweat a smidge. Everything was fine and it was getting close to the time for me to head across campus for the interview. I was finishing my makeup when I lifted my arm to find a HUGE spot under my right arm now.... Shit shit shit.... I don't have another option to change into. What to do?! So I took the shirt off and started hair drying the armpits again when the solution came to me. So I walked to the water closet, grabbed two panty liners and slapped those babies in the armpits of my shirt. I then threw it on, ran across campus and made it in perfect time for my interview. I actually think those panty liners helped me get the job seeing as it totally relaxed me during the interview. I was internally laughing the entire time knowing those people in front of me had no idea there were absorbent miracle workers discreetly hidden under a layer of fabric.
So the book’s title would be, “101 Uses for Panty Liners.” There are so many more functions for them than meets the eye. You know when your windshield gets that weird iridescent film on the inside? Yep, wipe it off with a panty liner. Don't have a cotton swab to use with your makeup remover to take your mascara off? Yep, use part of a panty liner. Don't have a bandage but your kid has a cut that's bleeding? Just use a panty liner to clean that baby up. Need to separate your toes to paint those piggies? Wined a panty liner through them. Middle of summer and you leave home with a cold diet coke and no koozie? Slap a big bad panty liner around that sucker. The adhesive back will stick to itself when wrapped around the can and leaves your hand dry and your coke cold! Genius, right?! These are the Universe’s little hidden secret!
That initial alternative experience with these flat, cottony sheets of absorbent heaven was over 13 years ago and since then, panty liners and I have had more fun-filled experiences than I can count. Panty liners and I have become good friends after three kids..... An unexpected sneeze or laugh, running or doing jumping jacks, or just simply breathing.... Panty liners have earned a special place in my heart. I honestly think if I would have bought stock in a panty liner company back in college, I would have singled handedly helped to double my own investment. However, since I didn't, maybe I can get these little ladies the 15 minutes of fame they deserve!